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Even before he was somehow elected president, Donald Trump tried to convince us he was a genius, more elite than the elitist of the elite, with a huuuuuge IQ, the greatest intellect of them all, with a vocabulary that included, gee, I don't know, probably more than a hundred words.

But we had no idea until recently the man had created a new discipline. There's Old Math, New Math and now we have Trump Math, which is, by far, the most difficult to master. Why, it takes a genius to do it, so it's not surprising that only Donald J. Trump understands this new science.

It's thanks to the coronavirus that we've seen Trump Math applied, and I, for one, am greatly impressed.

I'm strictly an Old Math kind of guy, and applying a formula I was taught many years ago, I determined that four percent of the COVID-19 cases in the United States so far have been fatal. It's too early to determine how many of those who recovered from the disease suffered serious consequences.

HOWEVER, according to Trump Math, 99 percent of the cases are "perfectly harmless." Near as I can tell, there's some kind of rounding-off factor at work here, also an acceptance of the belief that so long as you didn't die, your illness was harmless.

Trump Math is so sophisticated that it is able to determine how many of those who died were going to die anyway, so, in these cases, it dismisses coronavirus as the cause. ("Hey, these people were old!")

At the same time, there's a tricky element to Trump Math that truly stumps me. In making statements during an interview with Fox News boot-licker Sean Hannity, Trump said that in prohibiting visitors from China, he saved hundreds of thousands of lives. He applied Trump math to a similar ban on visitors from Europe, and took credit for saving another hundreds of thousands of lives.

Host Hannity, perhaps because of his Trump Math anxiety, wisely did not challenge these figures, knowing they were beyond his understanding, though it boggles the mind how many visitors it would have taken to result in hundreds of thousands of deaths multiplied by two, considering most of these visitors wouldn't have been carrying a disease that is perfectly harmless 99 percent of the time.

Yet, through the genius of Trump Math, we knew there would have been hundreds of thousands of deaths, and we were spared that tragedy because of the efforts of one man. But wait. During a press conference on July 13, our resident genius demonstrated why Trump Math is so baffling to ordinary minds. At one point he changed the figures on how many lives he saved by banning travel for foreign countries. He saved tens of thousands of lives, not hundreds of thousands. But unlike Old Math and New Math, Trump Math is flexible, so later during the same press conference, Trump said he saved millions and millions of lives. (Later he claimed he had saved millions and millions of oil industry jobs, and that was just in Texas.)

Also, according to Trump Math, the number of coronavirus deaths the country will incur — because of our president's denial of the obvious — will be negligible. Trump Math uses what is known as the Suck It Up hypothesis, and one important factor in its formula is written out as (0+WC), with WC standing for "who cares?"

ANOTHER example of Trump Math is shown in its creator's references to the wall he wants to build along the United States-Mexican border. You may remember him talking about it in 2016. According to Trump Math, this wall would not cost our country anything. He added all the figures and concluded Mexico would pay for it.

Anyway, barriers of one sort or another (think "fence") went up several years ago, most, I think, during the George W. Bush years. Trump was thinking bigger, but having no clear idea in that huuuuuge head of his, came up with no solution to the many problems involved in sealing off a border that is more than 1,900 miles long.

When he took office, there were barriers in place along about 600 miles. Trump has added about three miles of wall, with most of the money being spent (by the United States, not Mexico) to repair the existing barriers, which could hardly be described as walls.

At the Trump rate of three miles every four years, it would take, according to Old Math, about 1,828 years to complete this idiotic project, which means we'd have to re-elect our favorite narcissistic sociopath 457 times.

But according to Trump Math, we only have to do this once, which still is one time too many.

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