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Ever since my wife and I retired to South Carolina, the most tiresome part of every year is hurricane season. We get advisories the minute a tropical storm forms somewhere in the Atlantic, and every day for weeks we are told to prepare as the storm inexorably makes its way to wherever it finally goes to fade away. Only once in eighteen years has a hurricane done damage in our neighborhood, but there have been several times we were urged to consider evacuating. I acknowledge the potential danger, but so far the most annoying thing about hurricanes in Bluffton is waiting for them to make up their minds.

This year's presidential campaign has been similarly tiresome. The election has been headed our way for almost two years. I can't wait until it's over, and I'll be much happier about the outcome if a certain Mr. Trump is removed from the White House. Meanwhile, some observations:

Apparently many people who own boats are Donald Trump supporters. This may have something to do with wealth, a resentment of — and disregard for — regulations, and a feeling of superiority.

I recently saw a photo of a man next to a Trump banner that contained the words, "No more bullshit." If that's a promise, Trump has already broken it. Many, many times. Bullshit ought to be Trump's middle name.

Trumpies who belittled Joe Biden's acceptance speech by saying any idiot can read from a teleprompter inadvertently reminded us that Donald Trump is the exceptional idiot. When he reads "Yosemite", he pronounces it, "Yo, Semite," as though he's hailing a Jewish pal. He reads "Thailand" as "THIGH-land", perhaps referring to the dressing room at one of his beauty pageants.

The Republican convention should have been called "Festival of Falsehoods." I loved the praise heaped upon Trump for the way he handled the pandemic. This was either a joke or the GOP thinks people are incredibly stupid or have short memories.

When virus was first reported, the Trump propagandists at Fox News said it was a Democratic conspiracy, that the disease was much ado about nothing. Even when it swept the nation, killing many thousands of Americans, Trump said it was 99 percent perfectly harmless. He spoke out against masks, showed his disdain by not wearing one, then staged a rally in Tulsa so that people could mingle while he explained why he ordered fewer tests of the virus.

That Trump's inept response was so blatantly misrepresented at the convention made me suspect the Republicans who participated actually want Trump to lose, and think he's too dense and egotistical to realize their praise was given tongue-in-cheek. After all, they couldn't possibly have been serious.

It must be that Trump plays a board game called "I Am the President." In this board game, the president is the kind of dictator Trump would like to be in real life. Trouble is, he believes the things he does in this game are real, such as his Executive Orders, which must be like Chance and Community Chest in Monopoly. Trump continues to claim he reduced our prescription prices. Sorry, Mr. President, you did no such thing. And those checks you promised still aren't in the mail.

Trump's tacit approval of the idiots who believe in the QAnon conspiracy — "because they like me very much" — feeds speculation over his likely responses to questions about other lunatic groups.

The Ku Klux Klan? "They also like me very much, so they can't be all bad. Besides, I like their outfits. They're my favorite color — white."

The American Nazi Party? "They also like me very much. I especially like their logo — the swas TICKER. You know, Hitler would have won World War Two if it hadn't been for the Spanish flu of 1917. It made all the Nazi soldiers sick, which is why the war ended."

(Reminded that the Spanish flu broke out in 1918 and that World War Two didn't start until 20 years later, Trump would reply, "That's fake news.")

My biggest disappointment at the Republican convention was the participation of Nikki Haley, who impressed me when she was the governor of South Carolina. Born Nimrata Nikki Randhawa, she is the daughter of a couple who moved to the United States from India. But she was a poor choice to speak on the subject of racism in America. As a young girl, her skin may have been a bit darker than mine, but today she looks very much like she could be my sister, much more like someone named Nikki Haley than Nikki Randhawa. She has precious little in common with black Americans who decry racism.

But Nikki Haley is smart, well-spoken and competent, which is why it's a mystery that she has not distanced herself from Donald Trump. I can't believe she'll actually vote for him. I expect many Republicans will vote for Joe Biden.

Many Trumpies are members of a huge "You Can't Tell Me What to Do" cult, and regard Trump as "Network's" Howard Beale come true, because back in 2015 it seemed the big bag of wind was simply mad as well and wasn't going to take it any more. This cult also views Trump as a hero because he avoids paying taxes.

However, such supporters aren't likely to be a factor in the election because voting is one of those things regarded as a duty, thus something they choose not to do. They'd rather complain about the election afterward. I don't think they care if Trump remains in office. For that matter, they'll have more to complain about if he loses, and it would fuel their belief that the government can't be trusted. After all, we know this election will be rigged.

It was significant that the Republicans didn't bother to write a party platform. That was a strong indication the party believes Donald Trump is headed for a well-deserved defeat. Besides, Trump's agenda is different from everyone else's. He has only three goals — to funnel money into certain business interests; to tear down anything Barack Obama achieved, and to build a wall along the United States-Mexican border, a pointless structure that will be torn down if and when this country once more has an intelligent president supported by a like-minded Congress.

I'd like to have a blue MACA cap — standing either for Make America Credible Again or Make America Coherent Again. Democrats could also co-opt MAGA because they would have a set date for America's return to greatness — the day Donald Trump leaves office. I've never been sure about Trump's target date for greatness, but suspect it was probably when William McKinley was in office.

Trump never answers a question, and his remarks never make sense. I imagine his audio-animatronic in Disney World's Hall of President saying, "It is what it is" or "Person, woman, man, camera, TV."

Oh, we could go back a few months before his election in 2016 and add a third possible quotation: "Mexico will pay for it."

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